It’s time to move. Mom, Dad, or any other senior you love needs a new level of care, a different home setting, or legal guidance for this next chapter in life. The process of finding trusted resources can be overwhelming. That’s why Senior Resource Connectors was created to help you navigate this journey with a little more peace of mind.
In fact, we’ve got one of the best experts in Arizona to guide you along the way. Meet Senior Resource Connectors Co-Founder Scott Fischer who also owns Options for Senior Living placement agency. He’s got some great advice to share with all of you on important takeaways from that benchmark “Family Lessons.”
About seven years ago my mom moved here from Ohio to be closer to my brother and me so we could help her in the late stages of her life. As her health and needs were changing, she needed to be closer to her boys so that we could become a more regular part of her daily life.
From my experience, I knew there were at least three immediate things I needed to do for my mom once she got to Phoenix. I knew that we had to have her insurance coverages reviewed by a Medicare specialist since she was coming from out of state. I also knew we had to coordinate her medical care with a highly-skilled primary care physician who specialized in working with SENIORS. I also knew that her powers of attorney needed to be updated for the state of Arizona. She did not have the required mental health power of attorney, something that is unique to our state. She also needed to name me as her medical and financial power of attorney now that she was living here rather than in another state where my brother lives.
We successfully navigated those tasks the first couple of months she was here. Having the right primary care physician has been instrumental in helping her manage her complex health care needs. We have been able to maintain her independence by providing the right balance of support and intervention so she can continue to live in her over 55 apartment community. She knows one day she may need assisted living, but we both want that to be down the road and maximize her independence as long as possible.
Mom and I told our story in a feature article in a health magazine a couple of years ago. I think it best outlines how important it is for families to work together and have a common goal of doing things with and for each other as well as avoiding a situation where things are done to seniors by their kids.
Recently over the last couple of months, my wife’s uncle was unfortunately diagnosed with extensive cancers. The situation was dire and from the time we learned of the diagnosis to only three weeks later, her uncle passed away. It was heartbreaking to see someone you love, and respect lose their life so quickly. When Stacy‘s cousin got the call that he was quite ill, she tried to call the oncologist who was treating her dad. The oncologist’s office told her they could not speak to her because she was not the power of attorney and he had not expressly given his permission. We drove up to her uncle’s home in Cornville later that week, finding him very weak and short of breath. Cancer had severely invaded his lungs and his liver. When I asked him if he had any of his life planning done, including his powers of attorney, he said he didn’t need to as he only had one daughter and it wasn’t necessary. I had told him that we could not help him, and he was hurting his daughter by not giving her permission to serve in the capacity of his power of attorney.
Our parents do their best at trying to protect us, kids, from having to be a burden to them but just the opposite occurs when they won’t allow their children to take on the role of loving them and guiding them during these most difficult of times. It’s horrible to watch a parent get sick with cancer or dementia but it’s just as devastating to not have done the proper planning for the sake of “protecting them” and keeping them from being a part of the journey. Stacy’s uncle did finally allow me to get together the proper documents that he would need for the last few weeks of his life. We were able to execute his Living Will, his powers of attorney, and even his last will and testament so that his daughter could fully access his world and handle his affairs after his passing.
So many people are living out these scenarios every day with their aging loved ones.
For me, the family lessons go back to my mom who has always been a symbol of strength and resilience. She’s come through and overcome so many things in her life. But she’s showing me the most courage ever by trusting me with so much of herself these last years of her life. The truth is all lives eventually come to an end. By trusting me and showing the courage that she’s had to show, she’s allowed me to love her in ways I couldn’t do when I was younger.
Like everyone else, she does feel the slow loss of her independence and her ability to manage her own life. But I am committed to helping her retain her dignity and her sense of self along the way.
If you’re a parent reading this, please let your kids and more into this planning phase and don’t put it off. Our uncle’s situation was tragic, but it could’ve been even more so had we not gotten there when we did. And my mom was brave enough to let me help guide the way with her.
Let that be your family lesson too.
Scott M. Fischer BSN, CPRS, CDP
Options for Senior Living
scott@optionsfsl.com
Remember, Scott and all of us at Senior Resource Connectors are here for you and your senior loved ones to help you navigate this part of your life journey. Connect today!
