To enjoy a healthy relationship, you should know what not to say to your aging parents. Some words will make them feel upset, others might sound insensitive, and some phrases will make them feel ashamed for their age.
Some phrases to avoid are: “You’re old.” “Aren’t you tired?” “What do you think about healthcare reform?” They know they are older than you and are well aware. This is almost like calling them names. Be sure that you make a mental note of this. Should they look tired, offer to sit on a bench and watch the birds with them. Tell them that you want to take in the scenery while on a walk. Let’s take a closer look at what not to say to your aging parents.
1. “You Shouldn’t Live Alone Anymore.”
While this statement might be true, this will put your parent on defense. Please don’t use this phrase but try to ease into such a conversation like pointing out the positives for another form of care. Focus on things like: “You won’t have to worry about cooking anymore, but your meals will be delicious.” Take your time to listen to their concerns, no matter how big or insignificant they may seem.
2. “You Are Repeating Yourself, Get to the Point.”
Don’t draw attention to the fact that they are repeating themselves or that you have heard a story before. While this might be true, this is them reliving their memories. They might even know they are repeating themselves but need someone to simply talk to. Unfortunately, many aging parents don’t have large circles of friends. As they age, their friends dwindle, and it becomes hard to make new friends as they don’t get out much.
3. “How Can You Forget a Family Member’s Name?”
Remember, they have been through many different names and characters over the years. Sometimes these family members are members they don’t see often, or perhaps it isn’t a name they are familiar with. Alzheimer’s patients can even forget their own children’s names. However, don’t have a snarky attitude toward the situation. Instead, kindly remind them who you are and what you or the other person’s name is and move on. They may even forget in the time that you are visiting. The point is, go in with some patience and kindness.
4. “I Want Your House/Money/Heirloom When You Die.”
While many adult children might wonder this, it isn’t polite to ask and not the appropriate way to bring things up. This conversation might be necessary, but it should be done sensitively at the right time.
5. Do Not Speak for Them
They are not children but adults. Unless there is a mental issue going on, you should never speak for them. Let them answer questions and make comments as they feel necessary. This is especially true during medical exams.
While these are only a few examples of things not to say to aging parents, there are many more. You should take a step back when you are getting frustrated with your aging parents. Keep in mind; they are the reason you are here. Be kind. They have lived many years and are full of knowledge and history. Remember, they are often alone for days at a time and get excited when someone calls or stops in. Give them your time and ear.
If you find yourself struggling to converse with your senior parent or loved one, have a look at Tips for Talking to Your Aging Parent.
